SUNRISE
Sometimes when I meditate,
thoughts banging about
my head
with the unstructured intensity
of Battle Bots,
I wonder why
I am so talented
at cruelty. It's a razor tipped whip
I try to keep coiled
even though
the temptation to use it is ever present,
seducing me with joy
at the thought of a skill
well displayed.
Still,
after my sharp words
flay the ego
or confidence of another
human being, shame
takes over.
I hate it, yet
crave it more than
the cigarettes I no longer smoke,
and in hopeless moments
wonder if I can ever
win. Until I see
my son, emanating kindness
like a goodwill savant. He is precocious
and imperfect, mouthy as a TV preacher,
but he plays the sun to everyone
in his orbit, casting warmth
and sharing gravity with all
those around him.
I see my son. I see
his kindness isn't a philosophical choice
like me,
it is a part of his DNA.
And in my darkest moments, the reflection
of his inner light on my face
soothes
and inspires me.
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